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What Women Want...To Know By John Perrodin
Question: Why does a man think he can paint the ceiling without dripping on the carpet, his clothes, or the furniture?
Answer: Because we’re sure that if we practice enough eventually we’ll be able to accomplish the impossible. To be good at anything, a guy’s got to put his heart into it and have the chance to try, try again. Just because last time we ruined a new pair of sweatpants and sprinkled dabs of gooey, yellow paint on Grandma’s priceless antique lamp does not mean it will happen again. (Though it might…)
I don’t know how many times I’ve done a little touch-up work on the battered hallway corners while holding a sloppy can of old paint, a drippy, beat-up brush, and wearing my shiny dress shoes. I can’t be blamed because my shoes got in the way, can I? At least it didn’t get on the carpeting.
To sum up, men think they can paint without spilling but they won’t know for sure until they try. One day we’ll find the guy who has succeeded and it’ll be big news worldwide. Until then, we’ll practice until we’re perfect.
Question: Why can’t men ask for directions?
Answer: Because it’s not necessary. Real men don’t use Mapquest, and gas stations are for fuel and air — not questions. Speaking for myself, I’m not shy about the fact that I have an inerrant sense of direction. I consider it a gift. There have been many occasions when it may have appeared to others that I didn’t know exactly where I was going. But that was a ruse, a clever way for me to entertain the children — especially the one in desperate need of a rest area.
It’s exhilarating to go over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house even if she lives in a high-rise apartment downtown. Aren’t we supposed to enjoy the ride? Someone may read this and say, “I know men who have gotten lost.” That may be, but I doubt you know any who have admitted to being lost. There’s a huge difference.